What A Match…
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I’ve been asked many times “does matching and mirroring actually work?”
There are many schools of thought on this but what I want to discuss here is what happens in the real world. One of the keys to using matching and mirroring is to avoid adding your own emotions or feelings into the equation (unless you are trying to lead)
I had a recent experience while driving home from work that was a very interesting test of this. The other day on the way home I ended up going in the wrong direction (yep, was in a trance and went the wrong way).
I made a u-turn on at a corner and was about to pull out into the street when a woman on the opposite corner honked at me and waved her hand in what could have been considered a rude way (she didn’t give me the finger by the way).
I simply mimicked her gesture (I did not get angry or emotional at all) and continued on my way. In just a few seconds I pulled up to a red light and had to stop.
The woman pulls up next to me, rolls down the window and says…
What do you think she said? Do you think she yelled at me, gave me a hard time, was nice to me or maybe apologized to me?
Before I tell you exactly what she said let me give you an example of the same type of situation with a different person, my wife Wendy.
Wendy has a bit of road rage and when someone were to honk at her and wave their hand at her Wendy will get real angry and wave back at them.
The key to the reaction Wendy typically gets is in her emotional reaction and therefore the way she waves her hand back at the person.
In most cases where the person pulls up along side of Wendy they usually seem to be angry and on the occasions where they say something that can be heard it’s rarely if ever nice.
This is because Wendy gets pissed off and responds not by matching or mirroring but by kind of one upping the anger level of the other person. This is returned in kind and is why sometimes you hear stories about road rage and people getting hurt or killed by someone else.
OK, so back to my experience with the woman who honked at me. When she pulled up next to me and rolled down the window she said…
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were going to pull out at that moment.” I told her I completely understood and it was perfectly OK” She smiled and drove off.
When was the last time that happened to you? And what did you do to cause that response. By simply mirroring her response and NOT adding any of my own emotions or feelings I created an instant bond and she ended up feeling badly that she go mad at me.
Is this proof that matching and mirroring works? Well she was about 20 feet or so away when it happened and she still felt the need to apologize to me. You can simply draw your own conclusions here.
Are You Loopy?
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Do you talk in loops? If you don’t you should.
I don’t mean you should talk in circles. So what is a loop? Rather than give you a long and probably confusing explanation let me give you an example.
When you are using hypnotic mind control to influence others there are three steps. First step is to decide what it is you are influencing them to do.
The second step is to use language patterns to slip your commands past their unconscious mind. Remember the unconscious mind is the part we want to communicate with right.
And that is how you use hypnotic mind control to influence people. Now there are other techniques other than simply using language.
What was that you said? I only gave you two out of three steps? I said there were three steps didn’t I. Well that is what is called an open loop.
You see we all want closure and when you are told there are three steps and are only told about two of them you want to close the loop and get the third.
By leaving the loop open it increases response potential. It piques your interest and makes you want to continue reading (listening, watching, etc.) until you get that final piece and close the loop.
How badly do you want that third step? Would you consider buying something to get that third step? Would you go out to dinner with me to find out the third part? Get it?
The most powerful way to use loops is to keep them open. This keeps the other person on the hook and interested in what you are talking about.
What Is Your Intention?
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One of the most common questions I get asked is “how can I use hypnotic mind control in real life?” My answer is almost always the same.
What is your intention. When you learn the techniques of hypnotic mind control you’ll realize there is too much to remember for you to consciously use all the techniques.
When I use hypnotic mind control to negotiate a sale or to get a better table at a restaurant, I do not thin to myself “OK, first let me get an empathic bond, then use language to elicit certain state, then anchor those states, etc.”
No that would be almost impossible. What I do is set my intention to get the sales outcome I want or get a better table, etc. Then my unconscious mind takes care of the rest.
It’s your unconscious mind that takes all the techniques you’ve learned and puts them into action when you need them.
Let me give you an example. Recently I was at a conference talking to someone and I wanted him to introduce me to one of the speakers. When I asked him he said he wouldn’t be comfortable introducing me as he barely even knew me.
Now, I didn’t start thinking to myself, “what language pattern could I use here and remember to anchor him to comfort, etc” all I did was set my intention to get him to introduce me.
As we continued talking I began to notice some of the techniques I was using as I manipulated him to introduce me to the speaker. Within a few short minutes I was talking to the speaker after the guy I was speaking with made the introduction.
The key to my success was letting my intention do the work not my conscious mind. I always laugh when I see NLP practitioners trying to use matching and mirroring. It is so obvious that they are completely focused on matching and mirroring that they miss everything else.
I like to mess with them from time to time by installing little ticks or making them forget things. It’s so easy because they are already in a deep trance as they focus on the matching and mirroring. It’s almost unfair…almost!
I Object!
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I recently finished the final module of my Hypnotic Selling System. It’s titled Objection Obliteration and it got me to thinking…
Do people really understand what an objection is? What I mean by that is this…as hypnotic mind controllers our goal is to move people to follow our commands and do what we want of them.
When someone says no or doesn’t comply, that is an objection, isn’t it? For example if you were to say to me “I really want to buy your system but it’s too expensive” that is an objection to your buying the system.
What about something outside of sales like, “I can’t go out with you because you’re not my type”. These are objections to what we are asking (or commanding) someone to do.
So how do we deal with this? Well, all objections have two sides, an internal sate and an external behavior. And these two sides create a simple formula EB(External Behavior)=IS(Internal State).
Now that there is a formula it becomes much easier to handle someone’s objections. Using one of the examples above. “I can’t go out with you because you’re not my type” the EB is going out with you and the IS is not my type.
So using our formula “not going out equals not my type” or we can change it to “going out equals my type”. So we can attack either side of the equation. Let’s attack the IS or “you’re not my type”
You could say something like, “have you ever gone out with someone who isn’t your type?” this opens the person up to anytime they have done something opposite of their objection and if they have then the objection loses strength.
Some objections will require more than one attack to destroy it others will fall apart with just a few simple words.
Use this simple formula every time you come across an objection and you will soon be on your way to getting people to do whatever you want whether they object or not.
What is A Trance?
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I recently received an email that says my programs don’t show someone how to put another person in a trance. Obviously that depends on your definition of trance…
Most people think of trance as a deep somnambulistic trance, where the person in trance seems to be asleep. (They are not truly asleep even in this type of deep trance) That is but one type of trance and it’s true, I do not teach stage hypnosis or deep trance hypnosis for therapy.
Trance is any altered state, such as a confused state. My favorite example of a trance state is when you’re driving along and get to your destination but don’t really remember how you got there. Your subconscious mind took over while your conscious mind was absorbed in other thought.
This type of light trance is perfect for getting your suggestions (commands) accepted by another person. When someone is in that really light trance state you quite easily slip your commands right past their conscious mind.
As a matter of fact many times when you give your commands to someone in this really light state of trance, they’ll respond to what you said with “huh” or “can you repeat that”. This doesn’t mean that they didn’t hear you it means that their conscious mind didn’t hear you. Their unconscious mind heard every word.
An easy way to put someone in a light trance state is to confuse them. For example, one of my favorite ways to and when that happens you may begin to realize as you notice the words am I doing it now?
I bet I lost you there didn’t I? Exactly! You were confused and entered a light trance state. I could have dropped in a subtle command (did I?) and you never would have noticed.
Light trance is the best for covert work. Imagine for a moment you’re in a bar and you want to take someone home with you. You drop them into a deep trance and give them your commands. Do you think someone might notice?
Remember there are many levels of trance and unless you plan on doing hypnosis for therapy (you should be licensed to do therapy) or for stage/street hypnosis (you should be trained for this to or you may walk someone right off the stage or into traffic) light trance is the best way to go. To learn to hypnotize people check out www.secretsofhypnosis.net